When some people talk about self-care they lean heavily on the instagramable, glamorous, showy end of things. While I have no issue with the fun, indulgent suggestions that usually constitute this type of self care, no amount of face masks will make up for neglecting your basic care needs. When I talk about basic self-care, I mean aspects of life such as good food, exercise, sleep, human connection and social time, creativity, work life balance, and stress management, among others.

One aspect of basic self-care that often goes unacknowledged is how we speak to ourselves. This self-talk takes place mostly in our heads (no judgment if you like to have a little chat out loud, too), and it is with us all day, every day. Imagine that you are doing all the best care for yourself on the outside, but have a constant stream of negativity in your head the whole time. There is only so far we can get without addressing how we address ourselves.

In honor of commercialized love day, I have three exercises for you to challenge how you think about yourself and speak to yourself. I encourage you to try each of them over the next few days and weeks.

1. Self-talk Audit

First, start to notice how to you speak to yourself, whether in your head or out loud, and be honest. Then, notice how you speak to someone besides yourself whom you love: your child, a good friend, another family member. Do you say things to yourself that you would never say to them? And do you say them in a way that you would never say to them? We are often our own harshest critic. See if you can speak to yourself like you would to someone you love.

2. Celebrate Your Strengths

List 25 personal strengths. That’s right, 25! If you have trouble getting that many ask someone to help you. This is not the time to be humble. Let it rip! Hang your list somewhere you visit everyday so you can see it and feel proud of yourself.

3. Compliment Your Body

Bodies often take the brunt of our worst judgments and criticisms. Take a few minutes to thoroughly compliment yourself. If this one is hard, I would start by doing it in small doses and with your eyes closed. As you start to get comfortable with that version, try then standing in front of a mirror and looking at yourself while you do it. Address different areas of your body directly and tell them what you love about them. It might sound a little something like this:

Hey legs, I love that you are able to take me walking.

Hey brain, I love that you’re able to do a Monday crossword and have interesting conversations.

Hey hands, I love that you can play guitar, prepare food and paint.

Choose compliments that are meaningful to you.

If, perhaps, you’re experiencing a body that is slowing down and not able to do things the way you want or the way it has in the past, try expressing gratitude for the past things that it has allowed you to do. Grieving injuries, aging, or loss of function isn’t talked about a lot, but if we are lucky enough to live long I think we have to accept grief as part of the process.

It is easy to talk about loving ourselves, but it can be extremely challenging to practice. I hope that you will try these things and enjoy the weirdness and discomfort that might come with them.

Happy Valentine’s Day!