Please Don’t Rush Me To Feel Better

I wasn’t necessarily planning to share this. I was planning to get back into some more scientific “What the Health” kind of topics, but I had a conversation with a client this week around feelings and expectations of feelings, and I suspect this might be relevant to others. 

I have noticed that many people, myself included, are quick to dismiss our “harder” or more “negative” feelings. We downplay our frustration, anger, sadness….all of the things that are unpleasant to feel and difficult  to express because they often evoke those same unpleasant feelings in someone who likely doesn’t want to feel them for you. It makes for potentially awkward and challenging interactions, so we all delicately dance around wanting to express our honest feelings, but not wanting to scare people away. We don’t want to be accused of being the “dramatic” one, or the one with “too many feelings”. But the thing is, to be fully human, we really must feel ALL the feelings, not just the “positive” ones. In my experience, attempting to suppress and ignore those unpelasant feelings only results in feeling worse for longer. 

Call me Captain Obvious, but I was frustrated when I wrote this poem. Getting to express it in this way just for myself at first really helped me understand why I was so frustrated and it led to a really cool conversation… after I had some time and space to feel some of that frustration and move through it. 

So, here we go. A poem about feelings called, Please Don’t Rush Me to Feel Better, written by yours truly. I highly recommend reading it in your head with a strong, moderately angry voice, as it was intended. 

Please don’t rush me to feel better. 

It’s not a bad thing to feel hard feelings. 

I am allowed to feel angry. 

To feel frustrated. Sad. To grieve. And to feel discouraged. 

Please don’t rush me to feel better.  

Telling me to focus on the positive does not make me feel better. 

It makes me feel worse. 

It makes me feel that somehow I am wrong for feeling the way I feel.

Because I can’t access those “positive” feelings right now. 

Rushing through the hard feelings and trying to force positivity makes me feel numb. 

I would rather feel angry and alive than feel nothing. 

Please don’t rush me to feel better. 

My instinct is to justify your rushing me. 

To acknowledge that you mean well, that it comes from a good place.

That might be true.

It might also be true that my hard feelings make you feel uncomfortable. 

It’s not surprising, they’re uncomfortable for me too.

I am not willing to risk numbness to make you feel more comfortable. 

I accept my discomfort. It is mine to experience. 

You may remove yourself at any time.

You may also stay present and accept the discomfort. 

Sometimes the company is nice. 

But you may not rush me to feel better. 

That is not for you to decide. 

We focus so much on external things when we talk about health: eating certain foods, drinking a certain amount of water, exercising every day…those are all very important, but if we don’t also learn how to feel all of our feelings, those efforts may very well be in vain. To truly be holistic in our approach, we have to take responsibility for our whole selves, feelings included. 

We can do hard things! As always, I’m rooting for you! 

All cats are welcome at the feelings table.